Wow this professor just explained my depression in a way I’d never thought of it. It’s interesting to understand it.
Also what the hell I have switched back and forth between normal stable emotions and sudden depression. In the mornings, as expected, the vyvanse kicks in and I’m not just normal it’s a happiness that actually has motivation as well. It’s only a few hours but better than nothing and much better than the depression ‘psycho motor retardation’ aka i can actually function.
But today i am switching between the normal stable emotion level and quick hopelessness IN A SPAN OF 30 MINUTES. Jesus what the hell.
I have become a wreck in every aspect of my life. Often I feel I inhibit my depression and anxiety as an excuse for my failure. The one and only thing I was able to value about myself I’m losing. I’ve been clinging for so long on my own kindness to others. If my life was a misery at least I could make some people happy by expressing my kindness and caring But I’ve gotten to such a point of pain where I won’t. I want to but the words don’t come out. It just takes less energy to move on or ignore people who are upset.
When you tell yourself you need to stop posting your drawings because you hate them but then you want other people to look at them.